ROADHEADRULES.com

36 have been accused of spousal abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad checks

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71 repeat 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 currently are defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is? NBA Or NFL

Neither it’s the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Titanic: cost - $29.99
Clinton: cost - $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica

Titanic: During the ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let’s not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewellery
Clinton: Monica is forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton remembers Monica for the rest of his life.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica…ooh, let’s not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary - basically the same thing.

The government today announced that it is changing its symbol from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance and policies. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed!

Damn it just does not get more accurate than that.

A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with seconddegree burns.

With his skin already starting to blister and the severe pain he was in the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, ‘What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor’?

The doctor replied, ‘It won’t do anything for his condition, but it’ll keep the sheets off his legs.’

Think this would get their attention?

Don’t forget to mark your calendars.

As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide.

So next Saturday at 1 p.m. Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to demonstrate their support for the women and to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your patriotism.

The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.

God Bless America!! And Canada

The other day I needed to go to the emergency room. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT. When I went into the E.R. I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left.

I guess they decided that they were not that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.

Here’s the hat:

It also works at DMV. It saved me 5 hours. At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering I had my choice of any machine, most still running.

But don’t try it at McDonald’s. The whole crew got up and left and l never got my order!

Look at the picture above and you can see where this driver broke through the guardrail on the right side of the culvert where the people are standing on the road, pointing.

The pick up was traveling about 75 mph from right to left when it crashed through the guardrail.

It flipped end over end bounced off and across the culvert outlet and landed right side up on the left side of the culvert facing the opposite direction from which the driver was traveling.

The 22 year old driver and his 18 year old passenger were unhurt except for minor cuts and bruises.

Just outside Flagstaff, AZ on U.S. Hwy 100.

Now look at the second picture below…

Click On Pic To View Larger

House Minority Leader Lawrence F. Cafero Jr., R-Norwalk, pictured standing, far right, speaks while colleagues Rep. Barbara Lambert, D-Milford and Rep. Jack F. Hennessy, D-Bridgeport, play solitaire Monday night as the House convened to vote on a new budget.

The guy sitting in the row in front of these two is on Facebook and the guy behind Hennessy is checking out the baseball scores.

These are the folks that couldn’t get the budget out by Oct. 1 and are about to control your health care, cap and trade, and the list goes on and on….
Should we buy them larger screen computers or a ticket home, permanently?

This is one of their 3-DAY WORK WEEKS that we all pay for (salary is about $179,000 per year).

A young Arab asks his father, “What is that weird hat you are wearing?”

The father said, “Why, it’s a ‘chechia’, because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun.”

“And what is this type of weird clothing that you are wearing?” Asked the young man.

“It’s a ‘djbellah’, because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body..” Said the father.

The son asked, “And what about these ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied, “These are ‘babouches’, which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert.”

“Tell me, Abba?” added the boy.

“Yes, my son?”

“Why are we living in Toms River, New Jersey and you are still wearing all this shit?”

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
_______________________________________
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
by Barack Obama
________________________________________
MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
by Tiger Woods
________________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan
Illustrated by Michael Moore
________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS
& HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev. Jesse Jackson & Rev. Al Sharpton
________________________________________
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
________________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE’VE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O’Donnell
________________________________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
_________________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_________________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
by Ted Kennedy
__________________________________________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction by the Rev. Jesse Jackson
__________________________________________
Logical Reasons Why America Should Allow
Foreigners To Sneak In Illegally
and Give Them Welfare And Food Stamps
by Barack Obama and Barbara Boxer
__________________________________________
AND JUST ADDED:

MY COMPLETE KNOWLEDGE OF MILITARY STRATEGY
by Nancy Pelosi